Winter is a Memory, and Summer has arrived with Vengeance

Bismillah Ar Rahman Ar Raheem

Assalaamu alaikum wa rahmathullah wa barakatuhu

Last time I wrote a blog, I said that it seemed an age since I last wrote one (in fact it was about one month).  But now, instead of 'seeming' to be an age since I wrote anything here, it IS an age. 

My excuse?  As usual I have lots of small reasons but nothing that should excuse me from posting over the last three months.   Those reasons included a trip to Sweden which was INCREDIBLY cold, even as far as the Swedes were concerned; to me it was a battle not to totally freeze over.   But it was a wonderful trip even if I did lose my main case with most of my clothes in it.  I always thought the stories about luggage supposed to be going to Stockholm ending up in Rio were exaggerations or just fables.  I was wrong................  

Mashallah, I was very lucky as I was staying with a wonderful family who, as soon as they picked me up from the airport, started to find out what had happened to my bag (it has been left behind in Cairo) and then took me to an Islamic-orientated shop near where they lived so I could buy some new clothes.   The only trouble was that I had not budgeted on spending a lot of my money on clothes which, nice as they were, I didn't really need.  But everyone was so kind and didn't seem to allow me to pay the bill for anything that I soon forgot my lost bag and settled to enjoy my stay.  Regardless of the cold and snow. 

I had travelled to Sweden to attend the Nikah of my oldest childhood friend.  Although we have seen little of each other in recent years, we have always remained in close contact through emails and the phone, so I felt that I HAD to go to see her married.   Although she is Jordanian by birth like me,  for the past six years she has lived and worked in Sweden, and was marrying a Pakistani brother who, like my own husband (may he find peace in Jannah), is a doctor.  In detail he is a very brilliant young neurologist and I am sure he and Noor will spend many wonderful years together insha'Allah.

Now I am back at home, I have been tackling a backlog of work which, thanks to my investment in a 'tablet', has not grown to unmanageable size.  The tablet has made working away from while travelling a lot easier  -  for the geekie sisters out there, it's a Samsung Galaxy Tab 2 for which I have bought a bluetooth keyboard.  My faithful old Dell laptop is now semi-redundant but I am too sentimental to get rid of it  -  it served me faultlessly for too many years to be given away or junked.    NOT very business-like of me but I can get attached to inanimate objects now and then !

Summer has arrived with a bang.  Already the external thermometer outside the backdoor is reading well over 30C and we have been promised a storm for later today  -  a brief shower of rain accompanied by high winds from the west.  As the weather is coming in across the desert, the storm will mean higher temperatures and humidity so Amina and I have no intention of going out later.  In here we are fine but today is not the sort of weather you want to be doing anything outdoors.

"Doing things" for me has meant trying to sort out some of my on-line sites.  I have been sucked into Google + without really understand how it works, except that when I post anything it seems hit-or-miss as if the items appears once, twice or even three times, or does not appear at all.   Where it seems to be useful is getting something that interests me to a wide selection of people on something called my Extended Circles.  At time like these I wish I was a nerd, but I am semi-illiterate as far as the web is concerned.   But it has proved useful in telling people about You Tube activities that interest or moves me. 

A pair of examples are videos from a revert sister in Canada and a role-play video made of young muslims in the U.K.  Both moved me and I reposted them to my own channel on You Tube, BUT where I hope they'll get more exposure is via Google + insha'Allah.    

Oh, if you do go to my YouTube channel   -   https://www.youtube.com/user/AliyahHassani   -   please do look at the wonderful "Emotional dua by Hafiz Akbarul hoque "    I feel sure you will be moved and inspired by this video insha'Allah.

Now I must get back to doing some work before the storm hits.  Now I am back to blogging again, I hope to be posting more regularly insha'Allah.  Of course, I have said that before.................. 

The Problems of Being An Unmarried Muslimah - Still !

Bismillah Ar Rahman Ar Raheem
Assalaamu alaikum wa rahmathullah wa barakatuhu

It seems an age since I last wrote a blog  -  in fact it is a little over a month  -  and I have missed both writing and reading blogs.  The reason?  I have been in Cairo, helping my brother-in-law with his house and family while my elder sister was in hospital.  Alhamdulillah she is now back home and 95% fit while I have headed south and am spending the last of winter in the house that Amina and I share outside Asyut.

It was only when I got back here that it occurred to me that I am, at a ridiculously young age, filling the role of an old widowed or spinster aunt who is called upon to help whenever their is a family crisis.  Of course I have to admit that I am one of my sister's childrens' aunts but, still very much in my 20s, I am much nearer the kid's age than I am that of my brother-in-law while my sister ('half sister' to be pedantic) is getting on for 15 years old than me.  

All of which has made me focus on the fact that I am unmarried and childless, failings for a grown-up muslimah.   Neither states were initially my fault, for Allah (subhana wa ta'ala) chose to call to Him my husband (may he find the tranquility of Jannah) after only a little over two years of married life and before we could have children.  But as the days. months and now years slip past and I remain a widow, still under the age of 30, I am beginning to feel more and more than I am ducking out of remarrying for selfish reasons.

I have written several times in this blog about being young, unmarried and an adult muslimah.  It can be hard as there are always pressures from relatives and friends that range from a friendly enquiry  -  "Anyone on the horizon?"  -   through to plain spoken advice  -  "You MUST remarry.  If you don't find another husband soon, you'll be left on your own.  Forever!"  This is especially the case when I emerge from my bolthole here in Asyut and go north to Cairo where live many of my relatives and friends.

So I came back here feeling battered and bruised by all the pressure and, worse still, feeling I was not doing my duty as a muslimah.  Luckily for me, I have two great friends who have stood by my side.  One you know  -  Amina, my closest friend with whom I share this house.  The other, who I'll call Noor although that's not her name, is my age, unmarried and has been fighting off pressure from her family to marry a man who she really does not like.  

It was Noor who, after I had phoned her and let off steam about the marriage pressure I had to deal with in Cairo, sent me a couple of little pieces which put things in perspective, one an article, the second a duaa/poem.   They are excellent, to the degree that I am printing them here unedited.

Here is the first piece.

You are Single, Not Dead

Being single does not mean that you are weak, it's mean you are strong enough to wait for what you really deserve. If you are happy and confident, you are more likely to attract the right person into your life in the first place. And most importantly when Allah (swt) knows you’re ready for the responsibility of commitment, He will reveal the right person under the right circumstances. You are not going to displease Allah (swt) if you’re single (by Qadar).
But you may displease Allah(swt) by your lack of thankfulness and weakness in your reliance (tawakul) in Him and giving up on life altogether. Wait patiently and be optimistic.


Some people are single but they are mentally committed to someone. That’s not very healthy for your faith.
It’s all up to Allah (swt), The All-Wise, The Master who knows the secrets of your hearts even if you don’t mention them, The One who knows his weaknesses and your weaknesses and how this combination would destroy your and his life, He wouldn't let us suffer like that. You need to be patient and have faith that He will provide for you. He will give you better. He will make you happy again. He will do that because He is so Merciful. You need to trust Him.

Single? Well I don't even care about my status cause I know Allah(swt)
is saving me for someone special.  You need to put your faith in the One who created you. Don’t waste your time searching and wishing. One day someone's gonna walk into your life and make you realize why it never worked out with anyone else! Grow, be patient and be ready, you’ll see Allah(swt) will give you a love story far better than you could ever dream of.


Single and upset?
You might be not married to any man, like Maryam [Mary] (Allah Be Pleased With Her) and Allah(swt) can make your rank higher than any women on the Earth. Know your priorities. Love and trust is with Allah(swt) first.
Yes it is fact that there are many advantages to being in a relationship or marriage, but do not worry or fret if you are still single. Not everything is within our control and sometimes we do have to accept fate. So, why worry unnecessarily over something that we do not have control over?
Do not let being single thought traped you, make you a slave to the idea of finding someone, deprive you of your ability to enjoy life and cause desperation, depression, and fear. Don’t forget that your life does not end if certain things don’t come your way. Did Allah(swt) say anywhere in the Quran and Sunnah that you are worthless if you don’t get married? Being single is not a death sentence, it has own charm you enjoy life in your own way, you get more time to be with yourself, to do a variety of things, indeed you have relationship with freedom. You have lots to do, you have yourself, your friends, your family, and you have Allah(swt). Get out of your mental cage, make your life’s vehicle move on.

You are still single because it’s all up to Allah (swt), our future partners have or have not been already determined 50,000 years ago before this world existed. It’s because of His wisdom that you’re still single. So don’t think you care for yourself more than Allah(swt) cares for you!   Appreciate His wisdom.
Don’t worry too much, to have a positive attitude and enjoy your single life. Whether you are in a relationship or not, you want to be happy. If you aren't happy single, then you won't be happy taken. Happiness comes from within not from anybody else. Research shows that the number one ingredient for happiness, by far, is optimism, so change your approach learn to have more fun be happy and enjoy your life either your are single or not.

 Here is the second piece which is both a poem and a duaa:

A woman's du'a for her future husband ♥

O Allah! Please grant me the one
Who will be the garment for my soul
Who will satisfy half of my deen
And in doing so make me whole
...
Make him righteous and on your path
In all he'll do and say
And sprinkle water on me at Fajr
Reminding me to pray

May he earn from halal sources
And spend within his means
May he seek Allah's guidance always
To fulfill all his dreams

May he always refer to Qur'an
and the Sunnah as his moral guide
May he thank and appreciate Allah
For the woman at his side

May he be conscious of his anger
And often fast and pray
Be charitable and sensitive
In every possible way

May he honor and protect me
And guide me in this life
And please Allah! Make me worthy
to be his loving wife

And finally, O Allah!
Make him abundant in love and laughter
In taqwa and sincerity
In striving for the hereafter!

May Allah grant all the Muslim sisters with such husbands... Ameen ya rab! :) ♥

  I Love the duaa/poem and I have learned it by heart almost as soon as I first read it.  It does sum up my feelings and selfish wishes.  Whereas the earlier article helps me live day to day thanks to its rational approach and advice.  It does ease the feeling of guilt I carry round with me for not being married.

But I am still afraid that I will always judge any future suitor by the standards I feel were set by my late husband Ahmed (may he find peace in Jannah).  I really don't envy any brother who seeks to marry me as he will have to live with Ahmed's shadow always in the background.  And that WILL be hard for him.    

ERRORS, OMISSIONS AND MISTAKES

Bismillah Ar Rahman Ar Raheem
Assalaamu alaikum wa rahmathullah wa barakatuhu

Relatively recently I posted a blog about wearing gloves and veiling the eyes in public.  As I said then, I am not a scholar, just a very ordinary muslimah  who was greatly blessed by having an erudite Papa, learning from him about our beloved deen when I was a child.

In consequence I am very wary about getting involved in preaching about how my sisters (and brothers) in Islam should live their lives.   I am no shaykh, no scholar, and my learning comes from listening to my Papa and many men far wiser than I will ever be.  In consequence it was with some trepidation that I wrote that Blog on gloves and eye veils.  

I hope that people reading it understood that I was merely expressing an opinion based on commonsense rather than copying out all the relevant daleels to prove my point.  Surprisingly I got several e-mails from sisters agreeing with my view and even 2 saying they were going to act on what I humbly recommended.

No, I am NOT boasting about that blog as the reason for mentioning it.  Instead this is time for me to say, "Astaghfirullaah" loudly and publicly.  For two sisters pointed out that, while I was advocating covering the eyes in public, my avatar for my Blog profile was actually a photo of myself  with my eyes clearly visible.   OUCH !

I did immediately alter the photo to one where my eyes are well concealed but the incident has taught me not to preach or advise something without ensuring that I am doing it fully myself.   In blogs, and in blog comments, it is easy to say how something should be done, but it is less easy to ensure that one obeys one's own instructions or recommendations.

That blog and my Error, Omission or Mistake taught me a profound lesson about how to (as our Western friends say)   "Practice what you preach".  And I hope it may have instilled a little more humility into me in my personal jihad to became a worthy slave to Allah (subhana wa ta'ala).

 xxxxxxxxxxx

(I have deliberately not discussed whether it is haraam or halaal to show pictures of people in blogs.  That is a topic being discussed by people far more competent than myself, and is one where there is a very wide diversity of opinions.)