Monday, 13 February 2012

Evading Responsibility?

 Bismillah Ar Rahman Ar Raheem
Assalaamu alaikum wa rahmathullah wa barakatuhu

I was actually in Cairo a year ago during the wonderful demonstrations in Tahrer Square and even went to join the mass of people there on a couple of occasions, being swept along in the amazing feeling of optimist that seemed to fill the whole Square as the Mubarak regime toppled and fell.  When I left Cairo and came south to this haven of peace, Mubarak was under arrest and the army was promising democratic elections and that they would hand over power by next summer at the latest.

Since then we have had some elections but the tensions between the army and the civilians are getting worse all the time.  Stories of atrocities carried out by the soldiers against some of the demonstrators have emerged and there is a feeling that the army are not going to meekly hand over power, all of which had led to further and on-going demonstrations.   Of course what is happening in Cairo seems very remote from the tranquil existence that Amina and I share here.  And.........................  All of which makes me ask myself if I am evading responsibility as a Muslimah and an adopted Egyptian in sitting here and doing nothing to ensure that the army does step aside as they promise and that, for the first time since.............  forever .......... Egypt becomes a true democracy.

Oh, I have a whole regiment of excuses for now going back to Cairo or even joining the protesters here.   I am not even an Egyptian citizen, although I have spent more of my life in this country than I have in my native Jordan.  I am not political at all, and distrust politicians almost as much as I distrust the motives of the military.  I am just a young woman, without connections or affiliations that might make my voice listened to or even heard.   I could be ejected from the country as an undesirable alien if I got involved in demonstrations.  I am a naturally peaceful person, and..........................  And dozens other reasons for my inaction.

So I have lost sleep over what I should be doing.  I have prayed about it.  I have talked it over with Amina for hours.  I have sought my shaykh's advice.  And I am still as confused and undecided as ever.  Strangely, what it has brought home to me is that the two people who I would really have listened to are no longer there to guide me.   Two strong men, may they find peace in Jannah, whose views I respected, maybe even too unquestioningly.  Ahmed, my darling husband, and my Papa  -  I miss you now in a way that is new to me, and at a time when I thought I had become reconciled to Allah (subhana wa ta'ala) taking you from me. 

If I sound like a weak-spirited and submissive female, I am afraid that's not the truth;  both Papa and Ahmed have seen me argue my point with a great deal of heat and noise, even to the point of directly defying them when I really did feel I was right and they were wrong.  (Even if in most cases, time proved them to be right and that I was wrong.  But that's another story.) However the truth is that now I feel at a loss and in dire need of their wise advice.   Ah well, I suppose I will take what they call "the line of least resistance" and carry on as a spectator, viewing history being made from afar.  But I will have to ask myself whether I am doing that through cowardice, or because of my upbringing, or owing to what my family and friends expect of me as a young woman and as a muslimah. or because it's the most sensible thing for me to do.   For now I have no answers.  I hope it will not be too long before I can rationally answer my own questions insha'Allah.

No comments:

Post a Comment